Cleaner: Chapter Two - Part Two

Sweet City was the kind of shop I never went in.

Being a model wasn’t something that just happened. A long-standing career as a model wasn’t something you fell into. It required vigilance and discipline; the studious avoidance of sugary temptation.

Sweet City was the anathema to that. It was a hall of temptation and decadence. Every single item in store was something forbidden. It was almost like it was filled with the fruits of the Devil: damnation disguised as desire. All my life I had lived in a desert-like place where chocolate and sweets were frowned upon to say the least. Now I was standing in this oasis with no one around to frown at me, my mouth started salivating and my eyes went round.

I shouldn’t be in here, I thought. I certainly shouldn’t buy anything.

But I moved to the shelves along the wall and started walking along, looking at the candy walking sticks and penny sweets, the chocolate bars and liquorice.

I thought of my mum’s old saying again but that made my mouth water all the more, remembering the dress in my bag. But despite that I did manage to restrain myself. I wanted to pick up one of the big paper bags they had for gathering bountiful supplies. Instead, I deliberated for a long time and limited myself to one chocolate bar. That was better. I wasn’t going wild. A Mars. They had king size, fun size and normal. I knew I should get the fun size one, if that, but told myself the normal one would be fine.

I started toward the till and spotted the drinks fridge. I was thirsty. I deliberated for a while then picked up a Diet Coke. I did need to be careful. A fantasy was one thing but I didn’t want to actually put on weight.

I walked up to the till and smiled at the girl standing there, then I walked back to the shelf and swapped my normal Mars for the king size one and traded my Diet Coke for the real thing.

I paid quickly, before I could change my mind again, then went out into the mall.

Out there I felt a mix of regret, disappointment in myself and anticipation.

I unwrapped the Mars and started chomping, working my way down it quickly, really enjoying the flavour that graced my tongue. Between bites I swilled my mouth with the Coke. It was ice cold and really fizzy and that first swallow was sublime. It tasted better that it was forbidden fruit.

I polished off the Mars bar quickly and emptied the Coke bottle, dropping the litter in the closest bin on my way back toward the car park. When they were gone I felt a bit down, wanting more but knowing I shouldn’t have even had that.

I was sick of feeling bad about it already. It wasn’t in my nature to question myself and I seemed to be doing it all the time today. I willed myself to stop beating myself up over it. One splurge wasn’t going to turn me into a fat woman.

Putting it out of my mind I just walked to the edge of the mall, feeling a little peckish now that my stomach had woken up.

There was a donut shop at the end of the row before the car park entrance. I stopped and eyed the display. They had a spectacular range of plain and iced donuts with all kinds of different centres. I hadn’t eaten a donut for years. My dad used to buy them for me and my brother when I was a little girl.

They did look delicious.

Shaking my head, I went on walking, but stopped ten yards on and looked back.

I hadn’t had one in eighteen years. And they had such a good range there.

I shrugged to myself then I started walking back the way I'd come toward the door.