Man: Wanted: Chapter Seven - Part Two

Now that I was Geoff again and the immediate worry about Billy was gone, it came back to me about my responsibilities. I’d given my word to John’s friend Steve that I would fix his boiler.

As Alison, I had always hated to be tied to agreements so I tended to avoid making them. It was more my style to act on whim as I went along and drift from one thing to another as I fancied. As a man I had different priorities and there was a major itch in me not to let this man down. If I’d said I would do it then I had an obligation to do so.

I got him on the phone with the number he’d given me after the game and told him I wouldn’t be long, then I grabbed my keys and went to the door. I brought up Sangeeta’s number, hesitated, then pressed DIAL as I pulled open the door.

Billy was standing right there in front of me, his hand raised to knock.

We stared at one another, the blood flow to my arms and legs pinching to a stop.

Billy’s eyes flicked down my body then back to my face.

My mouth flapped open then closed.

Then at my ear, forgotten, the receiver slightly lowered, I heard Sangeeta’s tinny voice say, “This had better be good Geoff.”

Billy started to speak but I raised a finger and it stopped him. “Hang on.”

I pressed the phone to my ear. “Sangeeta. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. But I’m going to have to call you back.”

“Huh? What are you—”

I cut the line.

“Er, hi,” I said to Billy, my cheeks flushing.

Where was all my confidence? Seeing him had broken the spell entirely. I felt like myself – my female self – just in a male shell; and my reaction to this man who had been everything in the world to me for so long was too much to regulate.

“Hey. How’s it going?” he said, apparently unfazed by my presence here. “I was hoping to catch Alison. Is she in?”

“Er, what?”

He smiled. “Alison.”

I looked back into the house as though I might actually see her. “No. She’s, er... She’s not here.”

“Really? That’s a shame. Well how’re you doing Geoff?”

“Huh?”

He... Huh?

“It’s been ages since I saw you. I was sorry to hear about your parents. How have you been keeping?”

“I...”

How did he know me? He’d never seen me as a man. I didn’t understand any of this.

Billy raised his eyebrows and broadened his smile at my stuttering lack of communication.

It could only be like the clothes that had appeared in the wardrobe; the letters in the hall. Geoff had become a real enough person to exist in Billy’s memories as my— Alison’s brother.

“I’ve been fine,” I stammered. “Er, really good.”

“Nice van. That for your business?”

“Yeah.” This was weird. I felt like I was out of synch with my body, but some of my Geoff instincts were coming back. “It’s a lovely ride.”

“I’ll bet,” replied Billy. “How long’s it been since I saw you last? It seems like ages.”

And as he said that I got a memory of a night out drinking; Billy and Alison on the other side of the booth, laughing; me sitting next to my ex-girlfriend.

Billy and Alison on the other side of the booth. How could that be possible?

“That double date,” said Billy. “Right? Me and Ali. You and that bird with the cleavage... what was her name?”

I muttered the word “Sonia,” knowing it as a fact as it tipped off my lips.

Sonia. And I could picture that cleavage now. I got a shadow stirring of arousal to think of it.

But I didn’t know any Sonia. I’d never gone out with a girl called Sonia. Obviously I hadn’t. But I still remembered it. Though I didn’t remember that night from Alison’s perspective. I stared off, thinking about it and several more half-drunken memories came back to me. I could even remember some of what we talked about.

“What happened to her?” asked Billy. “You still together?”

I looked back at him, having no idea of the answer to that. Then suddenly it came to me and I found myself saying, “Nah. We broke up not long after you and Alison did. She was too needy. It did my head in.”

And as I said that, I got another series of memories about this girl I’d never met: half a dozen flash images of her in a variety of slutty outfits and then a very clear recollection of an argument; her throwing a book at me and then slamming the door on her way out.

I was reeling. This was all too much at once. Billy’s presence was throwing me entirely; but that destabilisation added to the historical connection was letting these false Geoff flood in. I had to get out of there and take stock.

“Listen, I have to go,” I said.

“Okay, sure. You got a job?”

“Yeah. A boiler.” I moved past him and started down the steps.

“When’s Alison getting back?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” And I really didn’t. “Maybe later.”

I had no idea why I said that. I should have told him she’d gone away; but talking to him, even in this disguise had put me off-balance. All the old resentment was washed away the second he started talking; but it was all still there as well, ready to rush back in.

I really had to get out of there.

“Look, I’ve got to go,” I said. “I’m going to be late.”

“No problem. Do me a favour and tell her I called. Okay?”

I found myself nodding. “Sure. Okay.”

What was I thinking?

He stayed where he was, watching as I got into the van and pulled out onto the street. He gave me a wave and a smile as I pulled away, my mind careening.

And it was only then that I realised.

I hadn’t asked him what he wanted.