Man: Wanted: Chapter Seven - Part Six

When I opened the door it was Sangeeta standing there and she looked lovely. She was wearing a long turquoise strappy evening dress with a black cardigan over the top. Her hair was done up beautifully and she was decked out in make-up and additional jewellery and the part of me that very deep inside was still a woman, recognised that she did forgive the misunderstandings we’d had and would maybe forgive me anything. But the man in me saw the expression on her face and understood that I would still have to pay for it, at least a little.

Her eyes were a little cold; her cheeks taut. “Hi,” she said, and the vocal tone reinforced the look but I caught a shift in her bearing that made me think the frostiness of it had surprised her – that she’d come here planning to pick up where we’d left off. I got the feeling that she’d forgiven me logically but that her emotions hadn’t caught up to that yet.

“Hi,” I replied. “Come on in.”

“I brought some red wine.” She presented the bottle.

“That’s great thanks.” I took it. “You look gorgeous.”

That thawed her a little. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. I don’t think I ever told you this before but you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.”

Her smile returned and it was a spectacular thing to see; like a spread of fireworks on a foggy November night. But then she gave a mock frown. “Only one of the most beautiful?”

“Come here,” I said and took her upper arms in my hands, drawing her in to me. We held it there – I guess long enough for me to be sure that she wanted it – then I pressed my lips to hers and wrapped her up in my arms. She put her arms around me urgently and gripped me tightly and the kiss went on, consuming every iota of my consciousness.

Eventually we loosened our clench, slowly releasing one another and broke off, gazing into one another’s eyes, then very suddenly I said, “I love...”

She stared back at me in wonder but I floundered, my analytical brain cluttering up the path where my passionate heart had strode seconds earlier.

“... being with you,” I finished. “It’s really good to see you again.”

Sangeeta smiled plainly and honestly. “Me too.” She stroked my cheek with the backs of her two forefingers. “I feel exactly the same way.”

“I’m sorry... about the mix-up before,” I said. “About what Alison told you.”  

She shrugged but there was a slight rigidness to it as though it wasn’t an easy movement. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does matter,” I said. “It really does. And it won’t happen ag—”

“Don’t,” she whispered, touching my lips. “You don’t have to make any promises; really. I understand. Life isn’t ever straightforward – it’s complicated – and that’s okay. I don’t know what it is in your past that makes you want to keep pulling away – you can tell me when you’re ready, or not; it’s up to you. But we can’t help how we feel. If you’re going to need to pull away again then that’s just how it’s going to be.”

I nodded.

“It doesn’t mean I’ll like it and it doesn’t mean I’ll stick around – I meant what I said on the phone – but I’ll understand. You’ve gotta do what you feel is right and then live with the consequences. You don’t need to make me a promise you aren’t sure that you can keep.”

I lowered my eyes then raised them back to hers. “Okay. You’re right.”

“We just looked at one another for a moment then she smiled again and said. “Now how about this nosh of yours? I’m starving!”