Man: Wanted: Chapter Seven - Part Five

I returned home after popping to Ockham Tesco again for more substantial supplies than the vegecrap I’d bought earlier. Billy was nowhere to be seen, which was a big relief. I parked up and let myself in then took a shower.

Nothing felt out of the ordinary. I’d done this a million times. It felt entirely normal to be naked and a man, to rub soap into my hairy muscular arms and chest; shampoo into my cropped hair. I shaved and spruced myself up as much as possible.

Considering that I’d thrown my women’s clothes away and only a few had appeared that morning, there was only one feminine outfit left in the wardrobe, a very forlorn looking dress. The rest of the space was filled with menswear. I curled my lip at the dress and took it out, holding it up.

It was tiny beside my big frame and looked so flimsy; just silly. I had no memory of wearing it or anything like it and the mere thought of that made me deeply uncomfortable. I went to put it back inside and thought better of it, slipping it off the hanger. There was a wastebasket to my left. I dumped it in there and went back to choosing what I was going to wear, instantly forgetting the frilly outfit.

I put on a pair of black button-up jeans and a navy blue shirt, turning the cuffs back from my wrists. I wanted to make a good impression. I felt bad about the mixed signals I’d been passing Sangeeta. That had to end. I really liked her and it was time she understood that.

I did some groundwork in the kitchen for the meal and set some candles out ready. I emptied the bird food out of the fridge and freezer and dumped it all. I had no intention of eating that crap ever again.

When I’d got to Tesco earlier I'd tried a little more of that hoodoo that had given me the skills to be a fully-functioning workman. I'd said, “I’m a pretty good cook – nothing fancy but more than enough to impress a woman occasionally.”

The moment I'd said it I felt a subtle shift inside my skull and I flicked through a series of new memories of being a decent cook and the shags it had bought me from time to time.

Now in my kitchen, I smiled at the memory, wondering if Sangeeta would be as impressed herself.

I’d bought a good range of ingredients in the store and the end result was going to be great. I got everything ready and then lit the candles, walking through to the hall.

It crossed my mind that Billy could turn up again at any moment but I reminded myself that I was immune to him at the moment. As long as I was Geoff he couldn’t reach me.

But still, I felt a low level anxiety about his return, Geoff or no. He was the only thing that still retained a deep impact regardless of who I was.

And I knew he was going to come back sometime. The only things I didn’t know were when... and why.

There was some fresh mail on the floor that I’d ignored when I came home. I picked it up now and had a quick riffle through. Every envelope was addressed to me, as Geoff.

That cinched it. The longer I kept the ring on, the more reality folded over into a world where Geoff had always been and where Alison didn’t exist. It was horrifying, the idea that I, as a woman, would cease to exist. I guessed people would just forget me as they were now remembering Geoff. Eventually she would be gone entirely and on that day I was pretty sure I would forget her myself.

There was still an odd detachment in me though. I knew I used to be Alison but I have no memory of being her... except for a vague sense of what had happened while I’d been her over the past few days. Everything before I’d put the ring on was blank. And with that in mind, why should I feel bad about this process? I wasn’t actively disintegrating my former life. All I had to do was continue doing nothing; living as Geoff; and the transformation would become complete.

I wondered what would happen after that if I took the ring off. I had a feeling that nothing would happen. That it might even lose its power completely.

Surely I had some panic inside me that this was happening – an insistent scratching – but it was possible to ignore it. All I had to do was spend the evening with Sangeeta – maybe invite her to stay with me all day tomorrow as well so that I didn’t have the opportunity to change back. Surely by tomorrow night I would be stuck like this and I would no longer care. I could just be a happy working man with a beautiful charming girlfriend and a thriving nascent business.

To was this all a terrible mistake? I knew my thinking changed when I wore the ring. I knew it was my man brain choosing this now and that couldn’t be trusted to honour my original persona’s wishes.

I decided to take it off.

Then the doorbell rang and my heart quickened. I checked my watch. Just after seven. It was most likely Sangeeta. But the fear that it could be Billy remained.

I hesitated, looking at the letters with no sign anymore of my female name. This wasn’t a simple change, back and forth; it was a process. Another night in this body might seal my fate forever.

The doorbell went again. I imagined Billy standing there again.

I could only think of two categories of thing he wanted to come here for and both frightened me for different reasons.

But it was scary enough just thinking of Sangeeta being there. It wasn’t going to start off smoothly with her and I wanted it to. I really wanted to see her.

I didn’t make a decision – not as such. I just started toward the door and unlocked it, opening it up. That movement made the decision for me.

For now, and maybe forever, I was Geoff.