Outside Influence
DAHLIA
After Melissa left I wasn’t quite
sure what to do with myself.
I loitered round feeling edgy and
irritable, thinking about Tommy’s phone call; his allegation that I wasn’t
giving my all to the comeback. I didn’t know how he had to cheek to imply such
a thing. Of course I was giving my all. I wanted to go all the way! I wanted to
get back to where I had been. It had been my idea to make the comeback bid in
the first place.
I fumed quietly, going through to
the kitchen and getting a pack of egg custards out. I set one on a plate and
glared at it, throwing little stabs of gaze at the other one still in the
packet.
It would serve Tommy right if I put
on a couple of stone. He’d be sneering on the other side of his face then. That
would shut him up quick enough.
I phased out for a minute, imagining
that; really imagining piling on the pounds; picturing my stomach swelling and
my arms, my ass. I tried to picture my face in the mirror being fatter but it
was hard. I closed my eyes and imagined Melissa’s face looking back at me from
the mirror instead. That was actually easier: her eyes made bigger by her
glasses; her straight dark hair; her hanging chin and round cheeks.
I went to take the plate but paused,
looking mournfully at the other egg custard, my irritation building. What did
it matter if I put a bit of weight on? I was so sick of having to worry about
it.
I took the other egg custard out of
its packet and marched grumpily through to the lounge.
Doing these swaps with Melissa were
the best thing in my life right now. It was time to really stop holding back. I
wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. I was just going to follow my whim and
see where it took me.
What harm could come of that?
the perpetual frustration that is resisting temptation has been loosened. after what's the harm? (too soon for evil laugh?)
ReplyDeleteNo. I think an evil laugh was overdue.
DeleteNothing much to add in this part, except probably the fact that Dahlia is more certain now of what she wants and she vows to continue to the path selected whatever the cost.
ReplyDeleteAm I right?
Monica G.
It sure looks that way.
DeleteI have a little (cough) OCD. they recommend that you fight it, because every time you give in, extra hand washing etc., it reinforces the compulsion. every time is an accelerate. tiny incremental changes that are cumulative, much like an extra custard or two.
DeleteHmmm. That makes sense.
DeleteThat reminds me. Custard tarts are very tasty but I can't remember the last time I actually tasted one. Perhaps Dahlia is just, like me, remembering a childhood passion and that may just tip her a bit further over the edge. That's if she hasn't gone too far already.
DeleteI hope you don't mind, Emma, but I'm saving this as a Word file for my future delectation - 79 pages and 33,758 words so far (including chapter headings) in case you're interested. Cleaner v1.0 is 73 pages and 25,349 words, though it may be saved at a bigger font size so proportionately fewer pages.
I'll still buy the book when you publish it - tomorrow? LOL
Robyn H
I'll let you off this once but don't spread it around!
Delete:)