Cleaner - Chapter One - Part Two

DAHLIA 

I saw Tommy out and watched him drive through the gates and head off down the lane, feeling slightly unsettled.

There was a fabulous view from the front of the house right across the Vale of Nockton, taking in the opposite valley wall and the wide river below. The town of Nockton itself filled much of the land below on the other side of the river. Its twin town, Barton, was thankfully obscured by trees somewhere to the left.

Pinecrest, where I lived, was probably the prettiest place in the valley. From where I was standing I could see the old castle on the riverbank, the manor house on the opposite ridge and even the old ruined abbey down in Howekirk. This town was where I’d grown up and it was wonderful to live here again as an adult, even if my parents’ old house was on the far side of the valley wall in the Heights.

I turned my back on the lovely day and the pretty sights and the moment I did the feeling came back that I’d had when I was talking to Tommy. He talked as though he thought I didn’t want to make a comeback, but of course I did. It had been me that called him to say it was time. I didn’t know why talking about it made me feel uneasy.

But it did.

My cleaner, Melissa, was still swabbing the floor in the hall. I stood watching her, my eyes flicking back and forth with the swipes of the mop, staring down, working hard; harder than she needed to really. She was terribly conscientious. Or perhaps she went the extra mile to fill the time up. As a single woman living alone I didn’t make a vast amount of mess. I guess she needed the money.

She moved away from me, her back to where I was standing and I went on watching.

Was there ever a time in my life when I had “needed the money” I wondered? Reflecting, I wasn’t sure there ever had been. My childhood had been without want on the whole and my generous parents had carried me along through my teenage years and well into my twenties, easily long enough for my modelling career to take off. After the accident the inheritance had made it official. I would never want for anything, the rest of my life.

Melissa didn’t have that luxury. Every hour of ever day of work was vital to keep her head above water. What she was doing right now was essential – it wasn’t a choice – and no better was that illustrated in her concentration.

I descended the pair of steps to the hall proper and Melissa glanced back at me, smiling politely with just the sides of her mouth while her eyes remained wary.

“Thank you Melissa,” I said. “Keep up the good work.”

She got out of my way and I walked back down the length of the house to the pool room, passing into darkness and then back into light. The pool room was always bright with its glass walls and curving glass roof but it wasn’t glaring because of the vines curling their way up its sides and overhead. There was still the slightest ripple to the pool water from my swim earlier. I looked from it to my sun lounger and the magazine lying splayed across it and let out a sigh so quiet I almost didn’t notice I'd done it. But I did notice and that made me question myself more.

I should call Tommy on his mobile and get him back here. The sooner he organised these meetings, the better really. He was right. I shouldn't have left the party the other night. I should have stuck it out. It wasn’t surprising I hadn’t been in the mood. It was a long time since I’d attended one of those things. There were ways of playing the game that I did know about. It was just a matter of getting back into the rhythm of it.

I’d left my own phone on the squat table next to my sun lounger. It lay in the pale shadow of my cocktail glass. I sat on the lounger, crossed my legs and picked it up, working through to my recent calls list. Tommy’s number was at the top, my brother’s just below him. I ran my tongue round the front of my teeth under the lips, thinking, then I lowered it, but didn’t put it down.

I had a view from where I was sitting all the way through the house down that wide central corridor and I could see Melissa still, beavering away. I watched her for several moments, thinking again about how she didn’t have to put up with all this kind of crap. Her life was so different from mine. Completely different.

Was it better? Or worse? Or just different?

I didn’t know.

But as I sat there spying on her, an idea crept up on me in such a subtle way that it took me a while to realise. My imagination was chuntering along, forming pictures of the idea and inserting me into them, and as it did so I started to smile. I started to smile and an entirely unique sense of calm settled over me, such as I’d never felt before.

I imagined calling her in and suggesting that we swap places, just for the day.

I imagined her saying yes and then I saw myself scurrying round doing the cleaning while she languished on my sun lounger. The imagined scenes played out in a delightful little sequence with me in various rooms, working hard to make things nice for my “boss.” The smile spread across my face, the warm cosiness of the fantasy carrying me away without me even noticing.

And then suddenly I realised what I was thinking and a door slammed down on the little fantasy, blocking it from view and leaving me feeling faintly embarrassed, even though it had been inside my head, a secret.

It was such a ridiculous idea. I actually felt sort of ashamed for having it.

But there was still a shimmer of that cosy warmth I'd felt; enough to resent, at the same time, the embarrassment I was feeling.

I allowed myself a moment longer to judge, from a logistical standpoint, if that fantasy were even possible, and of course it was... in a way.

Melissa was my employee. If I was crazy enough to want to pay her to lounge by the pool while I did my own cleaning then I could do it. I was sure she’d jump at the chance.

But it really was ridiculous. I laughed. And then I shudder as a trickle of tickling sensation ran down my spine.

Quite ridiculous. I would die of shame, just to ask her. It was stupid!

No. I shook my head and picked up my magazine such that it lost my place. I flicked back the pages, trying to find where I'd got up to until I realised I had no idea. The articles and pictures were all so bland. I’d read them all in one form or another a hundred thousand times. I tossed it onto the floor behind my head.

The fantasy came back to me and I caught myself smiling again.

“Don’t be an idiot,” I said to myself. “She’d think you were insane if you suggested it.”

But I looked back through the doorway into the house and down the long corridor to the hallway.

Melissa was no longer in view.

I frowned, feeling faintly disappointed.

“It’s a stupid idea,” I said. “Don’t be so ridiculous.”