IN NOCKTON VALE - Man: Wanted - Final Chapter - Part Five

I walked back into the hotel feeling just as awful as Billy must have felt when he walked away from our marriage, and I realised, in my way, I was just as bad as him.

I had thought I was a better person when I was a man but I was just as bad as any of them. I’d been worse. Everything about me as Geoff was a lie. I had lied and lied and lied and lied.

But... in other ways... I had told the truth more fully as Geoff than I ever had as myself.

It was unnatural and it was wrong. I had been born a woman. That was the life that had been intended for me. It didn’t matter how much it hurt to see Sangeeta walk away from me or to hear her bitter words.

I had made the right choice; the only choice that made rational sense.

I went back through the glass doors and made my way across to the bar. Billy saw me and came to join me.

“Are you okay? What happened? What did she want? Was she looking for Geoff?”

“Yeah,” I said. “She was looking for Geoff. But she couldn’t find him.”

“Do you know where he’s gone?”

“Yes,” I replied. “He’s gone away.”

“Gone where?”

I turned to him. “Can you fetch my handbag? I want to buy another drink.”

“Sure. I think we both could do with one.”

I motioned to the barmaid to draw her over. “Can I have a beer please?”

“Sure. Heineken okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks. Whatever.”

Billy returned with my bag and said to the barmaid, “I’ll have a bottle of Bulmers if you got it.”

I got my purse out and cracked it open. In the side pocket, the ring was peeping out, the carven runes on its surface glistening darkly. I stared at it long enough for the barmaid and Billy to notice I'd gone into a trance.

“Hey,” chuckled Billy, clicking his fingers near my face. “You still with us?”

“No,” I said.

“Huh?” He chuckled again.

I looked at him. “No Billy. I don't want to be with you.”

He gaped at me. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t be with you Billy. I’m sorry.”

“But... I explained what happened. I apologised. I said that we could work things out.”

I shook my head. “Some things, you can’t apologise for. Some things happen and you can’t come back from it. Ever. It doesn’t matter how much you want to.” I regarded him levelly. “You had your chance with me Billy. But you blew it. And now it’s over.”

“But... I drove all the way from Coventry!”

I laughed. “Is that all you can say?”

“We can sort stuff out Ali; really. You don’t have to be like this. I swear we can put the past behind us and build a new life. What we had together; you have to admit it was priceless; right?”

“It was good,” I said. “But it was all just fireworks and flash. There wasn’t any substance. And I was so wrapped up in it I thought it was what I needed. I got so used to it; attached to it; that I thought I'd shrivel up alone if I couldn’t keep hold of it. It took you coming back here to break the spell. That’s the crazy thing. If you hadn’t come back I might have gone on doting after you until my grave. Now, I look at you and I just see some skinny runt who thinks he’s God’s answer to women.”

“Hey!”

“I see a little man who doesn’t deserve to be with me.”

“But... But...” He floundered, wrong-footed, and I quietly smiled.

“Goodbye Billy,” I said.

“Wait,” he said. “Just hang on a second. We can work things out. We can still sort things. It isn’t unfixable. I can change my ways; I swear.”

“You know what we’re doing here?” I asked.

“What?”

“We’re wasting precious seconds. Of my life. Seriously. It’s over Billy. I’m leaving. You can pay for the drinks yourself.”

I turned to go.

“Just wait a second,” he said. “There was something else.”

I paused.

“Something I was going to wait and ask you in a few days... Though I guess I might as well... Will you listen?”

I looked back over my shoulder.

“Just that...” He tried to collect his thoughts and then blundered on. “I have this business opportunity; a real chance to get back on my feet and start bringing in some cash again; and I was thinking how we could pool our resources and go into it together.” He attempted a weak smile. “It was kind of a surprise. To show you how serious I am about us.”

“Pool our resources?”

“Yes.”

“You mean I sell my parents’ house and give you the money?”

“Er... I wouldn’t have said it like that, but.... yeah.”

I laughed. I laughed long and I laughed loudly.

“What?”

I went on laughing, only gradually taking a hold of myself, then I burst out laughing again.

“What’s so funny?”

I calmed myself. “You are a tosspot Billy; you really are.”

“Huh?”

“Did you really manage to persuade yourself that you came here for me? Or were you blatantly trying to rip me off?”

“No. Of course not! I really really love you!”

I chuckled. “Yeah. Right. I believe you. Like I believe you aren’t seeing Tia anymore.”

“I’m not.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“Okay then. Show me your phone. Your recent calls list. You said you hadn’t talked to her for ages. The phone will be the proof, right?”

Billy pressed his lips together, his face turning scarlet.

“Just as I thought.” I went to leave.

“Wait Ali. Please. I know you aren’t ready to get back together. I understand that. Really. But I’m... I’m in a lot of debt and it would really help me out if you could reconsider that business proposition. It’ll make you a mint; I promise. And maybe we could still work things out.”

I kept walking.

“Ali, please! I’ll be ruined without you. I need you!”

I stopped in the doorway and looked back. “No Billy,” I said. “What you need is to go and fuck yourself.”