IN NOCKTON VALE - Man: Wanted - Final Chapter - Part Three

It felt wonderful to be back in Billy’s arms; so familiar: the scent of him; the feel of his lean arms about me. It was like every dream I had had of this moment coming true and no awful waking up to ruin it. He was mine. All mine! And I was never going to let him go again!

“Oh, I missed you Billy,” I said, still crying. “I missed you so much.”

He chuckled. “I missed you too Sweetcheeks. It wasn’t the same without you.”

I pressed my face to his chest, gripping him as tightly as I could. This reunion was so perfect that I couldn’t bear the embrace ending. I wanted the moment to go on all night and all the next day; for weeks and weeks and weeks; until I felt at last I could let him go. But he stroked my arm and gave it a little pat and I withdrew, looking up into his face.

“What happened to all your hair?” he asked, smiling wryly.

“Do you hate it?”

“No, actually. I love it. It suits you better. You should keep it like that.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh. Sure. It doth become thee my lady.” He bowed, making me giggle, but for some reason that giggle of mine broke the spell just for a second and I remembered the months of loneliness. I remembered weeping. I recalled holding the phone with both hands, eyes red raw from crying, begging him to come back to me. And surely he saw that in my face because he frowned and said, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “It doesn’t matter.”

He took my chin in his first finger and thumb, tilting my face up to look at him and the tears that had been brewing in my eyes brimmed over and trailed away. “You were always the most beautiful girl in the world to me, you know,” he said.

“Really?” I wiped my eye.

“Uh huh. And I’m so sorry that I lost you.”

He held my gaze and then slowly lowered his face to mine; held it there, poised, our lips almost touching.

I closed my eyes, lifting myself on my tips and felt that perfect connection again as if no time had passed between us; no tears or anger; no loss. I lost myself in it. His arms didn’t fold around me. He went on lightly touching my chin. And then we broke that connection and I opened my eyes and his beautiful features filled my field of view.

The corners of his mouth turned up in a sad smile and he said, “Let me buy you a drink. Okay? There are some things that I need to say to you and if you can stand my company, I'd love it if you could listen.”

I nodded.

“White wine?”

I nodded again.

Billy placed the order and while we waited he gave me a warm smile; his old smile; the one that had made me fall in love with him.

“Are you hungry?”

“No.” I thought briefly of the meal with Sangeeta; of her face and her smile and her tender kisses, then looked again on Billy and made myself put her out of my mind.

It gave me a twinge of guilt to do that, but this was Billy, come back to me. It was everything I'd wanted. I had to at least listen to him and hear what he had come here to say.

“Would you like to find a table?”

I shrugged. “Okay.”

He led the way carrying the drinks and I followed. It was in a corner away from the door and the bar, the lights down low. He sat first and I took the chair to his side, rather than opposite. My stomach was full of butterflies again.

When we were settled, Billy took my hand on the tabletop and looked at me earnestly. “You should hate me,” he said. “I let you down when you really needed me. All I thought about was myself.”

I let him go on.

“When I lost my job... I went a little crazy I guess. I lost a lot of my confidence. I looked for someone else to blame – anyone but myself. I was... Well I was terrible to you. I didn’t look after you. I could tell you needed me but... back then... I didn’t have the willpower to provide you with what you needed.” He gave a tall shrug. “There isn’t any excuse for it.”

He took a sip of his beer and I watched him, unsure how to react; how he expected me to react.

“Then when you went away; when your parents died; I started thinking about what I’d given up. When you weren’t there anymore I finally saw this gigantic hole in my life and realised what I'd thrown away. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I’d made a mistake, but I felt so bad about what had happened, I didn’t think you could ever forgive me. That’s why I didn’t come right away.

“But I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Every day I thought about what an idiot I'd been and how much I needed you, but even then I knew you could never forgive me... for what I did... with Tia.”

My neck tightened at the mention of the name and I gave a little involuntary shake of my head.

“In the end,” he said, “I realised that it didn’t matter if you... rejected me. I couldn’t live my whole life wondering what could have happened if I'd come back here. I had to come and take my chance with you; just give you my heart and hope that you would take it back.”

He put his other hand on top of mine and held my gaze. “I’m so sorry I let you down Alison. I love you so very much... I know you could never forgive me for what I did but I was hoping you could at least give me a chance to explain.”

I lowered my face and then gently but firmly withdrew my hand from his grip. “Are you still seeing Tia?”

“No. Of course not. No. I haven’t even spoken to her for ages. It ended a long time ago; as soon as I realised that I’d made a mistake with you. I only wish it had never happened. I was such an idiot. I ruined everything.”

“And all you want is for us to get back together?”

He nodded. “We’re still married officially. There’s nothing to stop us going straight back to how it was.”

That tightening came again in my neck. “I don’t know Billy. There’s been so much water under the bridge. How can I ever trust you... after what happened?”

“I’ll have to earn it,” he said. “Every day I’ll do everything I can to show you that I love you and I always will.”

I shook my head. It was so perfect. It was everything I'd longed for.

“Please,” said Billy, taking my hand again. “Give me one more chance. You won't regret it, I swear.”

My whole body wanted to take his face in my hands and kiss him but I had to resist. I had to go slow. Suddenly I was hyperaware of the moments; the sensations I was feeling; the trickle of moisture on my glass; the low hubbub of conversation around us. Billy sitting so close to me.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know how you’ve felt; how hard it’s been for you. I know that the very idea of letting me back into your life must terrify you. I understand; I really do. All I’ve done since you left Coventry is think about you; feel guilty for what happened between us and how it ended. I’ve put myself in your shoes a thousand times and kicked myself for what I did to you. All I can say is I’m sorry. I just lost my way after the redundancy. I questioned myself and my ability. I questioned us. All my plans had been ruined and I got so down that I let it ruin what should have been the most important thing in my life.” He stroked my cheek. “You.”

There was silence again and then I said, “What did you think was going to happen: that I'd take you straight back? That we could go back to living as husband and wife after everything that’s happened?”

He shook his head. “Of course not. Not right away. But maybe... yeah... in time. If you’ll have me.” He gave me a nervous but hopeful smile and my heart thawed a little.

“I’ve wanted you back,” I said. “I needed you. I could barely live without you. It hurt so much I had to live like we’d never met; just put you so far out of my mind that you didn’t even exist anymore.”

“I know baby. I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all back and go back to how things used to be.”

“But we can’t,” I said. “Those days are gone.”

“You’re right,” he replied. “I know you're right.”

“But... maybe there is some hope. Maybe if you really mean what you’re saying we could start to work towards a resolution.”

He brightened. “Do you really think so?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I need time to digest this. It’s too much, too fast. I need to sleep on it.”

“But you are considering it.” He grinned. “That’s wonderful!” He kissed me, pressing into me and his eyes were alight as he pulled away. “You won’t regret this Alison. I swear. It’s going to work out.”

I raised my glass to my lips and drank, then I laid it back down and looked back at him; then frowned. He wasn’t looking at me, he was looking over my shoulder and across the restaurant.

“What is it?” I asked.

He gestured. “Isn’t that your brother’s girlfriend? The Indian girl?”

My heart thumped in my chest. The blood ran from my face. I was lightheaded suddenly. I couldn't catch my breath.

And then I turned and I saw her standing there in the glass doorway, her hair tossed from haste, her eyes blazing.

She was looking right at me. At us.

I didn't dare to move. I was locked in fear.

Then she took a step toward us.

And then she took another.