CLEANER: Chapter Three - Part Eleven

DAHLIA

The bus journey back to my crumby little hotel was uncomfortable and hot. The sun blazed in my eyes all the way and I couldn’t get comfortable. I felt rather sick to my stomach and the jostling ride did nothing to improve that. Worse, it set the nausea in deeper such that it put a dirty filter across my already spiralling thoughts.

I had gone to Melissa’s hotel planning to insist that we swap back, or at least that I be allowed to stay there. Instead, the limits of my new position had been underlined so that there could be no doubt left as to what they were.

Melissa was the one in charge now.

When we had initially swapped, we had said it would be like that and I had played along, but now, meeting her again, I realised that it wasn’t just a game of pretend that either one of us could choose to drop out of at any second. To break the pact now would require both of us to agree – that was what it felt like. We had set out on this crazy journey together, agreeing on our objective, and one of us at any time was bound to get cold feet. It was such a radical action to take; of course we would. The pact ensured that the other one of us would stick to the deal and encourage the doubter to continue.

I had the feeling that it would be me that would feel the most doubt in this situation, having to work long hours and have no money; watching my body slowly change into a bloated shape that society at least thinks is worse. I was just so glad that Melissa had the strength of mind and determination to keep us on course. I was glad now that she had persuaded me to continue.

And obviously I could stop the game at any point if I really wanted to – I was still Dahlia Western really, however fat I got – but it was titillating to imagine that I couldn’t actually.

Just to think of what had happened... I had gone there intending to do just that and Melissa had refused me. She had demonstrated that she was the one in control now entirely. I knew she didn’t really have that power but it was lovely to imagine it was true. And maybe it was. Maybe I had already surrendered any chance I had of regaining my former life. Maybe I really was Melissa forever now.

Mmmm... To imagine that...  

And though I thought of it as a game still, it really wasn’t one anymore. It was just life surely. I was going back to the evening shift of my job. I was going to live back at my squalid little hotel and work as a cleaner.

But my mood was dark, the nausea continuing to darken it.

No matter how much I got off on it or tried to reconcile with the fact that it was what I wanted, I resented the fact that Melissa had overruled me, that she had ignored what I said I wanted and told me I had to continue being a cleaner. I knew she was only doing it to help me get what I wanted but it still burned that she acted like she was better than me. I guess this was how employees the world over felt about their bosses, because that was really what she was to me now. It had been said before but now we’d had the time to explore it properly. She was the one who made the decisions. I was the one who carried them out.

I considered her latest decisions and the things she had said; that I should think of myself as being on the same level as the other cleaners in my hotel, possibly even inferior to them because I was new; that I should try and find common ground with them and take on their ways... really become one of them.

It was like the way she wanted me to learn everything about her life and try to really identify as her; as Melissa Chapman. The idea of assimilating her memories and filling my head with them made me feel strangely excited. I giggled, imagining my head becoming so full that these new and clearer “memories” supplanted my own. I fantasised about really forgetting my old life and becoming her in my mind as well as my body.

Melissa wanted me to act like her; to think of myself as her. She wanted me to graft myself into the hotel staff as though I really belonged there. It was frightening but it was also alluring, of course. I did want it more than anything. I was so glad she had kept me on the straight and narrow.

The bus let me off and I started the long trudge back to the hotel.

I hadn’t done any regular exercise for a long time now and the lack of it as well as the weight I’d put on was getting noticeable as I walked, wishing I had the money to take a taxi.

I started to wonder how I could go about following Melissa’s instructions; what I could do to ingratiate myself with the other cleaners. They weren’t welcoming. I had no idea how to do that. Though... the spiteful cleaner, Maxine, was off with me ostensibly because she thought I didn’t work hard enough. She clearly saw herself as ruling the roost. The other cleaner with her had been subservient to her. It made me wonder if the way to break into their clan wasn’t to try to find common ground or equal footing but to show her... deference. If I could demonstrate to her that I was a hard worker and that I wasn’t any challenge to her authority; that indeed, I was willing to be bossed around a bit; then she might allow me into her circle.

She’d been so mean to me, I didn’t like the idea of scurrying around trying to please her; to accept a subservient role; but Melissa had made it clear what I was to do. I’d accepted that I was subservient to her. What harm could there be in following her instructions and accepting a place low down in the pecking order at my hotel as Maxine’s lackey... if she would have me. I had the feeling it would take a lot of effort. She didn’t like me. What kind of toadying might it require before she accepted me?

I was sweating profusely as I walked. There were trees along the road but they were too high and sparse to provide anything in the way of shade. The sweat built up under my arms and in my hair and down my spine. It built up between and under my breasts.

Melissa had said I had to try to form a connection with one of the seedy blokes around the hotel. Unlike her, my version of Melissa wasn’t married as such, but still, the thought of pursuing a tryst with someone at my new level wasn’t something that appealed to me except at the dirtiest possible level.

I did have a kinky side – of course I did – and though, as Dahlia, I would never have considered lowering myself to someone like that greasy-skinned cook, the idea of being made to do it; commanded to open my legs to someone so unsuitable; was enough to get me wet again.

Could I do that? Could I let someone of that class have his wicked way with me?

Maybe.

Maybe.

But I wasn’t sure I was quite ready for that. Not yet. I could follow Melissa’s other instructions but I needed a little time to get my head around that other supplication.

I wanted it though. I did want it.

Melissa had told me to want it and she was in control.

I stopped at the side of the road opposite my hotel and thought about that.

I had wanted to end this and she had told me no. She wanted me, instead, to become ever more like her. She wanted me to ingratiate myself with cleaning and catering staff; get down to their level and, if necessary, show that I was lower than them.

Was this really what I wanted? Was I really going to go on eating and eating these gargantuan all-you-can-eat meals, getting fatter and fatter? Was I actually going to go on ruining my eyes just so I could look in the mirror through them and see my face become more and more like hers?

Yes.

Yes, that’s exactly what I was going to do.

I was going to do what I was told and see where it took me.

I had a feeling it would be somewhere dark and seedy and arousing and, in its own way... spectacular.

END OF PART ONE