Man: Wanted - Chapter Six - Part Six (Revised)

I shoved the ring on painfully hard and as soon as it was in place the first flash happened, dazzling me.

I staggered back, knocking a lamp over then banged against the wall as the disorientation and pain kicked in. I groaned, folding double as the second flash popped audibly like an old-fashioned camera, then I banged up against the wall again and flipped vertical, my back to the wallpaper, breathing heavily. I raised my arms to look at them but a wince of pain ran through me, forcing my eyes shut just as the final flash occurred.

I gasped out a trapped breath and then just lent back against the wall panting, trying to slow my pulse.

I was a man again. I was Geoff. I gave myself a quick check over. The clothes were different but it was a variation on the usual style: jeans, tan work boots and a chequered shirt.

My chest was still expanding and contracting with my breath. I still felt just as worked up.

This ring. I pointed my fist up so I could see it. This ring was the cause of all my problems. It was ruining my life.

I looked at my mirror image.

But the ring was the only thing that made it make sense as well. Without it, what was I? A woman without a clue; without a future. This house was a millstone round my neck. My pointless and thrice-doomed internet business was dead in the water. I didn’t have a partner or even any prospects.

But as Geoff? As Geoff, in just the few days I’d switched back and forth, everything was falling into place.

A beautiful charming girlfriend; a promising business venture and the skills to carry it off; friends; money coming in; a plethora of skills to get the house done up.

It was infuriating how obvious it was that I should just suck it up and stay this way. And why the hell shouldn’t I?

Who would miss me if Alison just... disappeared? A sprinkle of friends from my old town? Two or three cousins I hadn’t seen in over five years? Nobody... Nobody else.

My pulse rate started to fall. I opened my fist, palm up, fingers slightly curled, so the ring was in view again.

It was so damn obvious what I should do.

But that kind of worried me.

Because if I kept it on now and never took it off then, I guessed, the last traces of my female persona would slip away. The envelopes in the hallway; the make-up in the bathroom; everything that recorded who I was. My entire identity as Alison would be eradicated from existence. Even I might not remember it as time went by.

Identity death: that was what it was. And it would be my own hand, literally, that was doing it.

Surely I'd be happier. Surely I would. It was early days still really with Sangeeta, but she was a remarkable woman who would honour me if she chose to share her life with me. I would have my growing contracting business; maybe expand until I was actually building houses from scratch with a band of employees. I might even end up as a property tycoon.

I closed my hand into a fist again.

But Alison would be dead and gone. The person I was inside; who I'd always been; would be erased.

And that wasn’t right. I couldn’t do it to myself.

I reached for the ring again and pulled it up to the first joint, immediately getting the scraping inside the veins of my arm.

Take it off and throw it away. Or give it back to the market vendor. It didn’t matter.

As long as it was gone.

But then...

Then Sangeeta would be lost to me. Forever. And I wanted her now, especially as a man again, so much that I ached for her. I wanted to take her chin in my forefinger and thumb and just bring her lips up to meet mine.

It was an impossible choice.

But I had to make it... and I had to make it now. 

Or... did I?

Surely I needed time to consider it. Obviously I did. That was clear.

I slid the ring back down into place.

Sangeeta’s life was at crisis point. She needed support. And I needed to see if things really could work out, if I chose to stay as a man.

I closed my eyes, biting my lip.

Was I really considering that? A permanent change?

It seemed preposterous. But no more preposterous surely than becoming a man in the first place.

It was decided.

I’d stay a man for now. I'd make it up with Sangeeta. I’d be there for her and I’d give that new life a real chance. Then I'd decide.

Once I’d really experienced what living life like Geoff could be then I’d be in the correct position to make a judgment.

Was I going to stay a man?

Or go back to being a woman once and for all?

Yes. I nodded. Stay this way for now. That was the plan.

I hunted round for my wallet, tightened the laces on my boots then I grabbed my car keys and headed for the door.

As I grabbed the handle the doorbell buzzed and I almost shit myself.

I hoped it was Sangeeta but it could have been Rasheed again, causing trouble, or maybe John from across the road. I took a quick glimpse through the net curtain in the narrow vertical pane of glass beside the door.

And then I shit myself again. Because I recognised who was waiting there.

I recognised the man rocking on his feet impatiently.

And for the life of me I didn’t know what to do.

I had no idea.

He was the last person I would have expected to see here.

The one man who had always got to me more than any other.

The man who had turned my life upside down twice.

The man who I had longed to see again with all my heart.

My husband.