Golden Gloom - RICH - Part Five

Staying

13

Jane

I felt kind of amazing.

There was the buzz of bare-faced lying my way out of the situation with the cop – that had always been something that lit me up – but there was also the shear physicality of all this. I was a man! I was a portly middle-aged multimillionaire businessman!

Every movement felt different from what I was used to, from the weight distribution and balance to the formality of the clothes. I had worn shorts or skirts and skimpy tops my whole life, always flashing as much skin as I could, conscious of the control that gave me over blokes, and now I was dressed in a three-piece suit and dress shoes. And the contrast of the way the policeman had talked to me compared to the way I’d been treated my whole life – like I was trouble or a slag or both. He’d addressed as if I really was this rich well-dressed gentleman!

I was kind of loving it; really enjoying the ride.

Ricky didn’t seem to be though. He was— She was looking nervous and edgy, her smooth round arms wrapped round her chest, little feminine hands gripping the opposite shoulders, peering up at me through those thick-lensed glasses, her eyes enlarged just a little too much by the distortion. She looked almost a little childlike in the way she was looking at me and my instinct was to reassure her.

“It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry. I’ve got this under control.” I put my hand on her shoulder and her fingers slipped up to mine.

“We should get out of here now while we still can,” she said. “Maybe stay this way until we’re clear; get in the car and drive off.”

“If we do that then it will all have been a waste,” I said. “You heard him. He thinks he’s IDed who did it and bets on he means us; which means we are more than screwed if we can’t get away from this with something major.”

“So we get a couple of Ming vases or something; put them in the back of the BMW.”

I shook my head. “We can do a lot better than that.”

Ricky broke off. “Let’s get out of these bodies. This is freaking me out. I want to be me again.”

“No, wait.”

“Wait? What the hell for?”

“Listen to me,” I said, folding my arms. “We have an opportunity here; a unique opportunity.”

She looked at me quizzically and there was suddenly nothing in her expression or posture that said Ricky. She looked exactly like a woman and that made me feel oddly more like a man. I’d always been the thinker, the one in control but now suddenly I was a whole lot calmer and this man’s voice really carried authority. I was getting to like it.

“We look like the owners of this house, right? As far as anyone knows we are the owners.”

“I’m not staying like this. No fucking way.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“I’m not staying a fat fucking four-eyed woman.”

“Ricky. I’m not asking you to. Be quiet.” She closed her mouth. I stepped closer. “Just bear with me and I’ll explain what I mean. Okay?”

She looked reluctant as hell but she didn’t spike u0p and fight me over it. “Okay.”

We were in the doorway of their huge lounge. I took a seat, leaning back into the sofa and she sat opposite, perched on the edge of a chair, feet together, hands clasped in her lap. I didn’t know whether the body was influencing her or something but it was a demure feminine pose, not something Ricky would have normally taken… which made me notice the way I was sitting myself, legs apart, one arm along the back of the sofa top.

“I’m not staying like this,” said Ricky again. “I want to change back now.”

“If we transform before we leave then chances are that fuc— that officer will spot us and put us away.”

Ricky started to speak but I cut her off.

“That’s a fact. Indisputable.” I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “Here’s what I say we do instead. We act smart. We do things carefully.”

“Do what carefully?”

“It’s a shame we don’t have the memories of these people as well – we’d be able to clean out their accounts and empty the safe too – but we don’t. However that doesn’t stop us cleaning out this place top to bottom, taking every single valuable item: all these paintings, the furniture; everything not screwed in place. Look at this stuff. Everything’s either an antique or worth a grand or more per item.”

“How the hell are we supposed to do that?”

“Look at us.” I grinned. “We’re the owners. We can do what we want with our possessions. I’m going to ring up a removal firm and get a couple of trucks in and then we’re going to supervise them to ship it all out for us. Simple.”

Ricky looked to the side, thinking. “Stay like this? Until when?”

“Until it’s done.” I smiled reassuringly. “And before you mention someone witnessing us doing it and the removal firm records, we can… hire a storage unit or two someplace and do a staged shift of the stuff. Use a couple of different firms to make it harder to trace. Take our time; really think it through.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as it takes.”

“And the magic lasts that long? We’ll still be able to change back?”

“… Sure. Yeah.” I was ninety eight percent sure on that point but there was no point clouding the issue.

“Okay.” She thought for a minute. “But I get to be the husband.”

“No.” I surprised myself with how strongly I felt about it. “I already tried becoming the wife and it didn’t work. Besides, we have to stay as we are because the policeman could come back at any minute.”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fine.”  

“Jane…”

“Charles.”

“What?”

“Call me Charles.”

She frowned. “What?”

“The names of the couple were on some mail in the kitchen when we came in.”

“Why do you want me to call you that?”

“Because it sounds weird when you call me Jane and if the copper’s in earshot it might blow everything.”

“He’s not in earshot.”

“When he is. I want us to be used to it.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“And you’ve got to stop swearing every third word… Barbara.”

She gaped at me. “You are not calling me Barbara.”

“Yes I am.”

“You are not calling me by a woman’s name.”

“Yes I am,” I said firmly and she just shut up and looked at me. “For now, you’re my wife and I’m your husband. Okay?”

“I suppose.” She pouted, becoming sullen but not aggressive as Ricky normally would have.

“Think of it this way,” I said, standing. “It’s a step up from living in sin.” I chuckled, then shook my head ruefully when I heard the sound, marveling again how different I sounded, how different I looked and felt. It was like I was a whole different person; which I really was obviously.

I picked up the phone book and found a removal firm then dialed the number as ‘Barbara’ sat watching worriedly, one hand resting lightly on her cheek.

I got a little flutter of nerves to think I was going to be pretending I was a man to someone else then I calmed right down. I am a man, I told myself. I’m Charles Hawthorne. I got a wonderful swell of confidence and as they answered I launched straight into the business conversation, checking availability of their trucks; enjoying the deference in the way they talked to me; the respect. I wasn’t some trashy girl to these people; I was a respectable businessman.

The first two firms I called weren’t available at short notice but the third was. With Barbara looking on looking entirely disconcerted, I set up the appointment for the firm to arrive two hours later then ended the call feeling satisfied and in control in a way I didn’t remember feeling before.

“It’s done.”

“Great,” said Barbara, still pouting.

“Cheer up,” I said. “This is going to set us up for months; maybe years. And meanwhile we get to enjoy ourselves in this fabulous house; go for a swim in that pool.”

“Like this?” Barbara splayed her arms, looking down at them, her eyes red. “Looking like a woman?”

“Baby,” I said, sitting beside her. “Darling.” I put my arm round her and she shifted slightly, leaning into it; softening with the comfort. “It’s the way it has to be. For now. You understand that, right?” She shrugged. “Hmmm?”

“Yeah.”

“So we might as well enjoy it. We shouldn’t waste time being pissed off we had to have a sex change. It’s hilarious if you think about it. Right?” I nudged her and she gave a little smile.

“I guess so.”

“This is a lot of fun,” I said. “We should really try and get the benefit while we can – feel what it’s like for the other half.” I got up again. “I don’t know about you but I want to go and check myself out in the mirror. You coming?”

She frowned, unsure.

“Come on,” I said with a grin. “Live a little. Enjoy yourself.”

She got to her feet, making a decision. “Okay. You’re right. As long as we’re stuck like this. Let’s go and take a look.”