Nicole & the Maid

In which Nicole Kidman takes drastic steps to escape from reporters, enlisting the aid of a hotel cleaner...

Nicole Kidman stormed into her hotel room and threw her purse down in a rage. She was sick sick SICK of reporters dogging her trail at every turn. She glared at her reflection in the mirror, hands on hips. That was the problem – this body and this life! She just wanted to be a normal person for a change! Gorgeous slender arms, narrow shoulders, long legs encased in sheer pantyhose, straight blond hair, perfect face – if she could just leave that all behind then she would be happy. Just a day or two would do!

And she knew how she could do it. It was fantastical – probably impossible; maybe even dangerous – but she didn’t care! She’d had enough of fame for ten lifetimes! She had to get away from it! 


She’d bought the rings quite by accident as part of a much larger auction deal. They had come with instructions as part of an old letter and they seemed to have the power to switch identities between two people. Of course she had known it was rubbish. At the time she'd been so happy with who she was – the money and fame and beauty – that it hadn’t crossed her mind to try them out. Now though, she felt like she would try anything to get away from the trap she was in. 

Nicole went through her things until she found the box and scan-read the letter again. Two people had to put on the rings and then shake hands. The transfer of identities would take place instantly. To change back the process was repeated. How simple was that? It went on to say that memories and personalities would also be exchanged as well as vocal patterns. It would be the perfect disguise. 


She knew it probably wasn’t going to work but she was so angry she would have done anything at that moment and there it was in black and white – it was simple to effect a change back.

She threw down the letter and removed the rings from the box. They were made of plain gold. It crossed her mind how much they were worth but she had made so much money now she would never need to worry about that again.

Moving to the door, Nicole opened it a crack and peeped out. The reporters were gone, thankfully. It was unforgivable that the hotel staff had allowed them to get as far into the building as this. At least they were gone now. She paused. She hadn’t considered who she would get to help her with her little experiment. She stood in the doorway, thinking. Actually, it was going to take some doing finding someone who she would want to exchange with who also would go along with it. She wanted to still be rich obviously and female. A successful author perhaps or a retired businesswoman. She sighed and leaned back against the doorframe. It was getting too complicated. She would never be able to convince someone like that to go along with her plan and she wanted to get away NOW!

The sound of the lift pinging distracted her. A cleaning woman emerged with a trolley and started coming down the corridor towards her. She was in her forties and quite plump with dark hair cut in a bob. She didn’t see Nicole and made her way slowly closer. Nicole narrowed her eyes. How bad would it be to exchange places with a woman like that for one day? She wouldn’t have to get down on her knees and clean toilets if she didn’t want to. She could just cry off sick and go back to his woman’s home. A smile spread across her face. It would be so relaxing! And it wasn’t as if it would last forever.

She called to the woman. “Excuse me!”

“Yes miss?”

“Would you come here please.”

The cleaner looked worried. “Yes miss.” She left the trolley behind at the side of the corridor and waddled toward her. Nicole’s smile broadened. It would be so different! If it worked.

She invited the cleaner in to her rooms and bid her sit down. The woman’s voice was badly formed, her accent quite crass. 

 
“Now,” said Nicole, I am going to make you an offer.”

She explained, much to the older woman’s amazement, what she was proposing. The woman didn’t believe that it was possible but Nicole reassured her. “I’m not sure it’s possible either but it will be fun to see if it does work.” The cleaner still looked doubtful. “Look-- What’s your name?”

“Betty.”

“Look Betty, if we give it a go then we can find out if it works and I’ll tell you what: If it doesn’t work I’ll pay you two hundred pounds. If it does work, I’ll pay you a thousand. Is that fair?”

Betty’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Not a problem.”

Nicole got the rings ready, putting one on her finger and offering the other to Betty. She took the moment to size Betty up. Betty was fat, a round double chin hanging from her face. She had enormous breasts that dwarfed Nicole’s. She was wearing a plain short sleeved cleaner’s uniform. Her legs were bare and stuffed into black sandles.

“Now we shake hands,” said Nicole, “and see what happens.”

She held her hand out forcefully. Betty, obviously a little fearful, offered hers.

They connected and the room exploded with light. Both Nicole and Betty cried out. Neither one of them had expected anything more than a bit of fun.

When Nicole opened her eyes she was sitting on the floor and she almost screamed again when she saw what was in front of her. A pair of enormous breasts stretching the fabric of a red uniform and two thick chunky arms. The hands at the end of the fat arms were still slender but she’d never felt so different! Her bare knees were up in front of her and like the arms, were thickly padded. The fold of fat around her waist made it difficult to even sit like that, creased in the middle.

A few feet away, Nicole saw something that was almost as incredible. Rubbing her head and struggling to her feet was herself! Nicole Kidman! The switch had worked! She was Betty!

“Betty” struggled to her feet as well next to the new Nicole. The new Nicole helped her up. “Are you all right?”

Betty grimaced. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Betty gaped. Her voice was different! “Nicole’s” was cultured and soft. Hers was much more crass and slightly gravelly.

“It really worked!” exclaimed the new Nicole, stretching her slender arms up toward the ceiling. The new Betty held her chubby hands up in front of her and then squeezed the fold of flesh round her middle. Nicole was grinning. “This is amazing! I feel so light!” 

 

“And I feel heavy,” said Betty. She went through to the bathroom to look at her reflection. In the mirror was a huge fat middle aged woman. The gorgeous film star was gone. She had smaller eyes and a fatter nose. The fold of fat around her face completely disguised her neck. “This is fuckin’ unbelievable!” she said and gaped again when she heard the trash coming out of her mouth. She wasn’t the type to speak like that but it had just come out naturally.

Nicole appeared over her shoulder and preened in front of the mirror. She shook her hair out and laughed. “I’m really Nicole Kidman! I’m beautiful! Look at me! She kept touching her face and her chest, absorbed by the transformation.

Betty lumbered through to the lounge with a smile on her face. She couldn’t wait to go out and walk among the people. No one would recognise her. She would be able to go anywhere and not have ignorant yobs following her every move. Fuck, she needed a fag and she realised she’d better get back to work or else Mrs. Gibson would have her guts for garters.

Betty stopped. What was that? She’d just had one of Betty’s thoughts! She didn’t give a fuck about whether the cleaning got done but she had suddenly felt panic that she get back to work in case she got caught slacking. And smoking! She’d quit years before. She didn’t do that now. But it appeared that Betty did and that meant that she wanted one. This was too weird.

Nicole emerged from the direction of the bedroom. She had changed clothes. She was now wearing a lacy dress with leopard spots around the middle. Her hair was tied up. “Sorry,” she said airily, “I had a bit of a root round in there.”

Betty felt a little violated but she made herself put it aside. “I want to go out now and experience what it’s like not to be famous.”

“Well I’m going to stay in here and enjoy myself.”

“I’ll probably only want a couple of hours in this body,” said Betty, “then I’ll come back and we can do the exchange again, all right?” 

Nicole stared past her for a moment. Then very coldly and deliberately, she said, “I don’t know what you mean.” She slinked onto the chez longue. Betty chuckled a gravelly chuckle but the new Nicole just stared at her. “Now if you aren’t going to clean now I’ll ask you to leave.” 

 

 “What are you talkin’ about?”

“I’m talking about you getting you fat ugly face out of my rooms before I call security and have you fired.”

“But you can’t do that,” stammered Betty. “I’m Nicole Kidman, not you!”

“No,” replied Nicole, coldly, “Your name’s Betty. You’re a cleaner. And if you want to go on being a cleaner I suggest you leave now.”

Betty stepped forward. “You can’t do this to me!”

Nicole smiled and lowered her voice. “I’ve done it fatso. If you really think I’ll change back with you now, you’re crazy. Why would I want to be a fat middle aged cleaner when I can be a beautiful movie star?”

The new Betty staggered back and looked down at herself. “You wouldn’t.”

“Exactly. Now please leave.” She reached for the phone. “Or I’ll call security and have you thrown out.”

“But—“

“I mean it!”

Betty gaped at her old body and realised what a terrible mistake she’d made. Of course the cleaner wouldn’t want to go back to her old body. How could she have been so stupid? Now she was stuck looking like this. She turned toward the door. After she walked out there there would be no coming back. She would be Betty Smith forever. Betty’s memories came to her of the fat balding alcoholic husband she had waiting for her at home now and the overbearing boss she had here at the hotel and tears rose into her eyes.

“Goodbye fatso,” said Nicole Kidman. 

 Betty reached for the door handle and stepped out into her new life.