I
Anna sighed. “I don’t see
why I had to come in here with you when I could have been out shopping.”
Her husband James chuckled.
“Well if you want to spend the money you have to earn it first. Didn’t anyone
ever tell you that? You just wait out here. I’ll be out in ten minutes tops.” He
gave the back of her neck a little tickle and she smiled back at him.
“I’ll be timing you.”
James talked to Mr Johnson’s
PA and she put a call through. Anna took a seat on the big leather sofa nearby
and started leafing through a glossy fashion magazine.
Less than a minute later a Japanese
woman emerged from Johnson’s office wiping her mouth as though she’d just
swallowed something. She walked to the lift opposite where Anna was sitting as
James went on in closing the door behind him.
The Japanese woman was about
the same age as Anna but she was clearly backward. Her mode of dress was too Asian.
Her gawky body language illustrated her lack of confidence and underdeveloped
social skills. She was a little plump and had a terrible overbite – in short,
not the kind of woman that Anna would associate with – but there was something
familiar about her.
Their eyes met and the woman
too, seemed to be trying, and failing, to place Anna’s face. Then the lift
dinged and opened and she disappeared. Anna turned back to her magazine and
instantly forgot about her.
She wished that the world
was a little bit more controlled than it was. She didn’t see why she had to be
subjected to people like that who weren’t beautiful and intelligent. The
wealthy should have handsome zones entirely separate from the weak-willed and
ugly masses. If she had her way, that was how it would be.
She absently flicked to the
next page and frowned when she noticed there was something odd about the
picture there. The modelling shot was… very weird. Almost like there had been a
mistake in the printing. Like the model in the picture was half erased.
Anna turned to the next
page. That one seemed fine. She flicked back and shook her head. The picture
looked fine now. The fading she’d seen had disappeared, though she was sure the
model on there had been a brunette before, not a blond.
Not that it really mattered.
It was in no way relevant to her.
James emerged from his
business meeting ten minutes later and they rode down to the ground floor
together in the elevator.
“What took you so long?”
whined Anna playfully, tickling his chest with her index finger.
“Business is important,” he
replied. “You want to have the money you need for all those shoes don’t you?”
She giggled. “Is that an
offer to buy me some more?”
“Not right now. I have plans
for us.”
“Ooo. What?”
James led her outside. Anna
barely noticed the buck-toothed Asian cleaner mopping the floor in the foyer.
“Well a new five star restaurant has opened outside of town and I thought I’d
take you there for dinner. Then later I have tickets for the opera. How do you
fancy that?”
Anna squealed in delight.
“I’d love it!”
They got in James’s
Lamborghini and he started the engine.
“Damn,” said Anna. “I need
the loo. I wish I’d gone while I was waiting for you.”
“Do you want to go back in
now?”
Anna chewed her lip then
shook her head. “No. I’ll go at the restaurant. It won’t take long. And that
cleaner was heading into the ladies room inside anyway. I’d have to wait for
her to finish.”
The engine roared and they
shot out into the traffic but it quickly became clear that waiting for the loo
had been a mistake. The traffic was heavier than they’d expected and Anna found
herself shuffling with discomfort.
“Isn’t there a quicker way
than this?”
“Not really. But I know a
shortcut further on. Just hold on for now. Don’t worry. We need petrol anyway
so you can go there if they’ve got one.”
Anna grumbled to herself.
She hated using public conveniences. That was another part of her theory. Rich
people should never have to share any kind of space – especially that intimate
kind – with the plebs.
James pulled into the petrol
station and gave the engine one last rev (to show off) before killing it. He
got out to put the petrol in and Anna walked into the shop.
It was a seedy place – not
surprising as it backed onto Barton, the seediest neighbourhood in town.
The paint was peeling. There
was rust on the metal beneath the chipped paint. Rubbish had blown in from the
street and was gathered in little piles at the foot of the walls. Inside the
shop was cluttered and narrow. Anna turned her nose up at the dingy lighting
and claustrophobic atmosphere.
Behind the counter was an
enormously fat dark-haired woman with a shapeless hairstyle and tired-looking
eyes. She put on a fake smile – obviously bored out of her miserable skull – and
said, “Any petrol?”
Anna took stock of the woman
for a minute, immediately pigeon-holing her. This was clearly a girl who had
dropped out of school early with no education to speak of. With no social life
to speak of and no prospects she’d piled on the pounds from comfort eating and
ended up working here in this horrible place all her life. Anna bet she did
twelve hour shifts at a minimum, wasting her life away for no reason worth
anything.
If Anna gave a shit about
anyone she might have thought it was tragic. This woman had pretty features,
despite her bloated flesh, cheap clothes and no-nonsense hair. In another life
she could even have been a model. But instead, with no self control, she’d
eaten her way here.
But she did look familiar
somehow. Anna was almost sure she knew her, though she’d never been to this
petrol station before – she would never normally lower herself to it – and this
girl clearly didn’t operate in her circles.
In Anna’s perfect loser-free
fantasy world, this obese woman would never have been allowed to live.
“Petrol?” said Anna. “No. My
husband will be paying for that. Do you have some… restrooms?”
“No, sorry. Only staff ones;
and my boss’d have a flid if I let you use those. Sorry.” The fat woman gave a
little smile of apology then popped a half handful of Maltesers into her mouth
and crunched them up.
Anna sighed, feeling more
and more uncomfortable and went outside.
James had finished filling
up and he went in and paid while Anna got back into the car and squirmed on the
seat, wishing desperately that the stupid Asian cleaner at the TV studio hadn’t
been blocking access to the toilet.
She made a mental note to
get James to talk to Mr. Johnson and have her fired. That would show the chubby
little immigrant.
James got back in and they
pulled back out into traffic.
“How much further is it
darling?” asked Anna.
“Not too far. Here’s the
shortcut coming up.” He started to indicate to turn into the Barton estate.
“Oh no James. You can’t
seriously be thinking of cutting through there!”
“Sure I am. We’ll be through
in five or ten minutes and it’ll knock half an hour off the trip. Unless you
think your bladder can hold that long…” He grinned.
“Fine. Just keep the speed
up when you’re in there. It’s nothing but a festering hole full of drug dealers
and prostitutes, vagrants, factory workers and the unemployed.”
“Your kind of place then.”
James chuckled.
“Not hardly!”
He made the turn and they
zoomed through the entrance to the estate.
At the corner was a large
sign that said WELCOME TO BARTON in large letters. The sign was old and
dilapidated, the paint scarred and faded. Some uncouth idiot had sprayed an
extra message along the bottom of the sign and Anna sneered as she read it.
YOU’LL
NEVER ESCAPE!
II
Barton was a seedy district
that Anna had always avoided at all costs.
It was made up of ugly
council houses and tumbledown blocks of flats covered with graffiti. There were
rows of terraced housing without gardens and burned out cars. There were
overgrown lawns and corner shops with thick wire mesh to protect the windows,
thugs hanging around outside bearing bottles of white cider.
They passed the high street
which was packed with sordid sex shops and charity shops selling only gaudy clothes
from decades past. Every person they passed looked disheveled or whorish. The
women wore lewd outfits flashing leg and cleavage while the men sported tattoos
and beer bellies.
It was everything Anna hated
and the one place she had personal experience of that she’d choose to be ground
zero in an atomic blast.
The streets were narrow with
rusty old cars and twisted back on themselves over and over again. None of the
roads went anywhere for long before a bend came up and they went down three or
four dead ends while James cursed, having to back the car up because the
movement was so restricted.
More than one road curved
round until it actually became a circle with spokes leading off. James was
becoming increasingly tetchy as he didn’t realise it was a circle until he’d
been round it more than once. In the end they came off not certain which
direction they were even pointing.
And it was starting to get
dark.
And Anna was needing the
toilet increasingly more.
“Can’t you just get us out
of here?” she whined. “We don’t even need to go to this restaurant of yours. I
just want to get somewhere normal.”
“Just give me a minute,”
snapped James. “We’ll be out of here in no time.”
But they drove on, turning
corner after corner and they got no closer to finding the way out.
James pulled up at the side
of the road where a car maintenance garage stood on a corner. Outside the front
were two cars being worked on and several more for sale but the ones on sale
looked easily ten years old and as though they might not even run.
“Why are we stopping?”
“To get directions.”
James wound his window down
and smiled at the big man who sauntered across to see what he wanted. The man
was huge with a round stomach and a balding head. His round double chin was
covered in stubble and his upper lip had a thick moustache. His overalls were
covered in oil.
Anna hated him instantly and
the leering wink he gave her.
James asked him for the way
off the estate and the man pointed, giving him a long list of complicated
directions that left them both befuddled. And they had no toilet when James
asked. Anna wasn’t sure to be annoyed or relieved. It most certainly would have
been filthy but she was getting increasingly desperate.
Half an hour later they
still weren’t off the estate and she was fidgeting in her seat. James pulled
the Lamborghini in at the side of the road and bashed his fists on the steering
wheel.
“I’ve never seen anywhere
like this place! It’s a maze!”
Anna peered out the window.
There was a scrappy area of muddy grass and then a dismal block of flats. It
was past sunset now and darkness was really settling in.
“I need to pee so badly,”
she said. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold it.”
“Well go there,” said James,
pointing to the little public toilet block at the edge of the grass.
“In there? You have to be
joking!”
He shrugged. “It’s up to
you. We might not see anywhere else for a while and I’m not convinced we aren’t
deeper into Barton now than we were when we entered. I’ve never seen this area
before.”
“Oh God.” Anna chewed her
lip. “Alright. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
She got out of the car and
shivered, looking round at the ugly dark streets, expecting at any minute that
there would be an attack from a gang. Only one person was visible a little way
away: a black woman in skimpy clothing, waiting for someone to pick her up by
the look of it. It looked like it was thinking about raining. Spots were
already starting to fall.
Anna hurried into the toilet
block, sneering in revulsion at the squalid interior with its purple flickering
strip light and the broken sink and mirror. There were two cubicles but one
toilet was literally full to the brim with faeces. Anna cried out in disgust
and went quickly to the other, wishing there was some other alternative; but
she was simply too desperate.
The other cubical had no door.
Anna was going to have to do it exposed. She sighed angrily and raised her
skirt, squatting over the toilet so that she didn’t have to touch it. She hated
to think what diseases there were on it.
She felt instantly relieved
to empty her bladder and quickly dried herself on the horribly cheap toilet
paper. At least there was some!
She covered herself up and
washed her hands then ran back outside, straight into a face full of rain.
There was a thunder storm. The rain was pelting it down. She could barely see
the car.
In fact she couldn’t see the car!
Anna looked left and right
desperately. She circled the toilet block, looking in every direction, but it
wasn’t there! The Lamborghini was gone! James had left her there!
Surely that wasn’t possible
but it had still happened!
She was stuck somewhere in
the middle of Barton in the pouring rain with nowhere to go and no way of
getting out!
III
Anna stood on the side of
the road with her arms folded tightly against her chest in the driving rain, waiting
for James to come back, cursing the fact that he’d driven off in the first
place.
The entrance to the toilet
block wasn’t facing the road so she couldn’t even wait in there for fear he
wouldn’t see her and the weather was awful. It was like the heavens had opened
and the rain was made of big icy cold drops that had already plastered her
lovely full red hair to the sides of her face and drenched her clothes from
head to foot.
Five minutes passed without
any sign.
Ten minutes.
At fifteen minutes Anna
realised that she couldn’t just stand there in that rain indefinitely. The cold
and wet was actually becoming painful.
Regardless, she stayed there
until a full twenty five minutes had passed and still there was no sign of her
husband.
Anna screamed in
desperation. She’d left her handbag in the car. She’d left her coat in the car.
All she had on was her skirt and short sleeved top. She didn’t have a phone, ID
or money. She didn’t even know which way was out of the estate to start
walking!
The woman who had been
standing further down the road was gone unsurprisingly. Anna eyed the block of
flats across the little triangle of park with despair in her face. Going in
there was the last thing she wanted to do but she had no choice.
She trudged across the
grass, gripping the backs of her arms, desperate to stay warm, but half way
across she slipped on the mud and went down hard, landing in two inches of
freezing cold water that had gathered there in a dip in the grass.
“God damn it! Why is this happening
to me?!”
She was soaked! And covered
in mud! It was on her face; in her hair; all over her clothes! And where the
hell was her shoe?
She scrambled up awkwardly
but when she got half way up her arms slid out and she went back down, this
time face first into the water and the mud. In the end she had to go to the
edge of it on her hands and knees and when she finally struggled up she
couldn’t see her shoe anywhere! And it had cost two hundred pounds for the
pair! Just gone!
She snatched off the other
shoe in a rage and hurled it as far as she could into the darkness.
The block of flats had
walkways on the outside that ran along the side of the building on each level.
On the first floor, Anna could see an open door with the lights on inside. It
looked warmer than where she was now at least. And they’d have a phone.
She went up to the front of
the building and sneered in disgust at the filth and the graffiti; the rust and
the greasy fingerprints everywhere. Every piece of graffiti expressed nasty sexual
comments at other people’s expense. It was horrible!
She hurried up the stairs;
not wanting to risk the lift; and went along the walkway leaving wet footprints
behind her on the dirty concrete. When she reached the open doorway she knocked
but no one answered.
“Hello?”
There was no reply so Anna
crept in. “Anyone home?”
There no sign of anyone but
the interior of the flat was squalid in the extreme. There were black patches
of damp on the walls and ceiling; no carpet on the floor. It was tiny inside,
the kitchen area a festering pile of dirty pots. There were flies and was that
– cockroaches! It was gross!
But it was dry and that was
a relief. And she didn’t have to deal with some gribbly urban inhabitant. She
chuckled. It actually reminded her of the party at Gemma’s the other night,
when they’d all been joking about what one thing could have made their lives
different. The look on their faces when she said hers! It had been priceless.
This looked exactly like the
kind of place someone like that would live.
But there was no phone. That
was the main problem. That’s what she really needed.
It had seemed warm from
outside but there was clearly no functioning heating and the only light was a
bare bulb hanging above the mattress on the floor. The place looked abandoned
actually – lurid and profane graffiti splashed all over the cracked plaster
walls – which was fine as far as Ann was concerned. She looked round for
something to use to dry herself. There was a little tee towel and she swiped at
her hair with that, but her clothes were sodden. She had to get out of them as
soon as possible.
The only thing to do was to
knock at other doors along the row and see if someone would let her use the
phone.
Anna moved back toward the
door but paused when she spotted a half open wardrobe. With a guilty glance at
the open front door, she went over and pushed it further open with the back of
two fingers. There weren’t many clothes inside but they were women’s clothes.
She was sure no one lived here anymore, and what did it matter if they did? She
needed some dry clothes. She could pay them off later if they caused trouble.
But the clothes were awful:
one skimpy outfit after another; nothing practical at all. And they weren’t
just skimpy! They were almost obscenely revealing. Each outfit spoke
desperation in one form or another. Dry though they were, she couldn’t possibly
wear any of this. Even the shoes were all stilettos and block-heeled sandles!
Anna turned her back on the
tawdry little den of squalor and went back out onto the balcony, shaking her
head and smiling at how bad it was.
The wind whipped her
immediately, sucking what heat remained in her body, lashing her wet hair
across her face. She hurried along to the next door and knocked.
After a minute a huge black
man answered, his expression blazing with anger enough to make Anna flinch back
in fear. “What the fuck do you want?”
“Er, hello,” she stammered.
“I was wondering if—”
“Whatever you got, I ain’t
buying,” he snapped and started to shut the door.
“Wait! I’m not selling
anything! I’m just… I’m lost and I don’t have my handbag. I was hoping I could
use your phone and maybe get warm inside.” She tried to smile but her teeth
were chattering, she felt retched and she was terrified that at any moment this
huge man would strike her – or something worse.
He looked at her with a
surly expression for several moments, giving her body a quick eye. Anna wasn’t
in the habit of using her body to get what she wanted but she was acutely aware
that now would have been a good time not to have looked like a drowned rat. She
wished she’d put on one of the skimpy outfits from next door after all. Maybe
then this Neanderthal would help her.
“Get the fuck outta here!”
he snapped and slammed the door, almost catching her hand in the frame.
Anna squealed and staggered
back then slumped her shoulders and started to cry. She’d never had to deal
with this kind of situation in her life. It wasn’t fair!
The next door didn’t answer.
The lights were off and no one was home. The door after that, she could hear
the people inside and the TV on but no matter how hard she hammered, they
wouldn’t respond. The one after than was a surly Hispanic woman who shouted
rapidly at her in some foreign language she’d never even heard before, pointing
at her in the face repeatedly.
The door after that was a
wizened old man who did nothing but stare at her breasts and leer lasciviously.
When she mentioned a phone he closed the door in her face without a word, still
not ever once making eye contact.
The wind and rain were even
higher now and Anna was starting to fear she’d actually get a chill unless she
got under cover. Knocking on doors wasn’t working and was actually frightening.
She decided her best option was to go back to the abandoned flat and just wait
out the weather – get warm – then walk out of there when the rain stopped. Or
at least walk until she found someone who could help her.
She went back to the flat
and closed the door. Even without heating it was instantly a relief to get out
of the weather. Her clothes were sodden though and if she got pneumonia or
something she’d be in serious trouble. She dried her bare arms with the tee
towel and patted at her clothes uselessly.
She sat shivering on the
chair for a while then decided, as long as the front door was locked, it was
safe to get fully out of those clothes. She undressed and wrung them out,
disgusted by the water that dripped onto the floor. Her bra and panties were damp
too.
Faintly curious, Anna
investigated a little. There were some drawers inside the wardrobe. She hadn’t
planned to put on someone else’s underwear – which was gross and kind of weird
– but she was sopping wet still and she shrugged. What did it matter?
She slipped out of her bra
and panties, feeling suddenly very exposed. She wasn’t entirely sure this
wasn’t someone’s flat still and if they walked in now they would see her in all
her glory. She quickly grabbed a bra and slipped into it then pulled on some
panties – that turned out to be a thong of all things! She’d never worn one of
these in her life!
It was a wonder bra. It
actually made her cleavage look sensational. Anna giggled, covering her lips
with curled fingers. Then feeling a little bolder she had another look at the
clothes hanging up. There was literally nothing that would warm her as such,
but in for a penny, in for a pound. The best she got was a very revealing low
cut stretch tank top with a zip down the front and a skirt that barely covered
her crotch.
She climbed into them,
relieved to be putting on dry clothes and then looked at herself in the mirror,
giggling again at how she looked. The wonder bra and low cut top gave her a fabulous
cleavage and the skirt really showed off her legs. Her hair was still lank and
rain-dyed darker but she looked like a very sexy little slut. She grinned,
planning to take these items home with her and try them out on her husband.
She chewed her lip for a
minute then decided to go all the way and pulled a pair of black patent
stilettos out of the bottom of the wardrobe and put them on, then she used one
of the hair ties she’d seen in the knicker drawer to tie her hair up in a tight
bunch on top of her head – a real slapper hairstyle with the clothes as well.
She laughed, posing at her
reflection, cheered a little by the make believe. The evening wasn’t a dead
loss. She would never have thought to do this in a million years but it was
actually kind of exciting and fun! It was still awful that she was in this
position but it just felt so… naughty to be sneaking in and stealing someone
else’s clothes – playing dress up.
She smiled again,
remembering what she’d said at the party – when she’d said the absolute
opposite of the kind of person she was – playing around with what her life
would have been like if she’d been—
She turned sharply, thinking
she’d heard someone at the door but there was nothing – no sign of anyone.
Still wearing the slutty
get-up she sat back down, she sat down, resting her chin on her hand, wishing
she could be home in the warm. Her eyes wandered over the room, her nose
wrinkling in disgust at the patches of rot on the fabric of the bedspread and
the filth. There was little in the way of furnishings – probably all sold by
the junkie that used to live there to feed their habit.
Her eyes fell on something
by the bed and Anna tottered over to it to get a better look, kneeling down
next to it.
It was a syringe, and a length
of rubber tubing. And the syringe was filled with liquid. Heroin. Like the
junkie had only just cooked it up and was about to use it.
Anna shivered with revulsion
and sat on the edge of the mattress, her bare knees up in front of her face,
arms wrapped round them. Looking at it.
It was disgusting. The
needle looked slightly rusty and the heroin inside had tiny bits in it –
impurities. Anna couldn’t imagine the path that would lead someone to live like
this – to want to insert that filthy thing into their arm.
But she’d never seen
anything like this in real life. It was fascinating. She couldn’t take her eyes
off it, sitting there with her head resting on her knees.
She picked up the rubber
tubing, getting the feel of it, wondering how it worked, what it would feel
like to do that – to be the kind of person that would be desperate to do that.
She looked at the closed
front door. Nothing.
Then she slowly and
carefully tied the rubber tubing round her arm, using her teeth to pull it
tight – just so she could see how it felt, that was all.
It felt kind of good. Her
heart rate was rising. She looked down at her slutty outfit and round at the
dingy room. She’d never been one for playing make-believe but she couldn’t deny
how exciting it was to sit here dressed like that and imagine.
She picked up the syringe,
feeling the weight of it. She didn’t blink as she held it vertically and tapped
it then released the air bubbles like she’d seen them do on TV.
She wasn’t going to do it,
but imagine if she did! Imagine putting it into her vein and pushing down the
plunger! Imagine feeling that intense and dangerous forbidden high – the high
she’d always wondered about.
But she wasn’t going to do
it.
She stared down at the
expanded vein at her elbow, then she stared into the murky liquid inside the
glass tube. She held the syringe like it was meant to be held and poised it
next to the vein, just pretending for a minute that she might actually do it,
feeling herself actually grow wet at the tantalization of that image.
It truly was disgusting and
probably disease-ridden.
But suddenly she pushed the
needle into the vein, closing her eyes and gasping, just doing it, not caring
what would happen. And then she pushed down on the plunger and filled her body
with light.
Sordid dingy tainted light.
IV
Anna came too slowly; groggily;
wondering where she was and what had happened.
Her whole body felt strange,
like there was a tightening right through her – a constricting. She felt
exhausted but warm – very warm. She was lying on her back but she didn’t
recognize the ceiling. It was damp and filthy. It wasn’t her bedroom. Then she
lifted her head and remembered the rain and the little flat. It all came back
to her. She looked down her body at her bare legs and high heels splayed out
across the filthy mattress, at her cleavage in the tight stretch top, and
gaped. Her boobs looked enormous! Surely that wasn’t just because of a
wonderbra!
She sat up to get a better
look and winced. Her crotch was sore. She didn’t know why. And so was her arm
where she’d injected herself. She couldn’t believe she had done that!
But it had felt so good! So
so good! She closed her eyes and smiled to remember it, rubbing her breast with
one hand and teasing the nipple.
She didn’t know why her
crotch felt sore but her tight little skirt was crumpled up around her hips. She
felt her nether regions and gasped, scrambling up to her feet. Her thong was
gone! She wasn’t wearing it! And there were dried fluids around her vagina!
She lifted her fingers to
her nose, hesitated and then sniffed gingerly, gaping in horror. She looked
down at the filthy mattress, the crumpled sheets; then at the closed front door
to the squalid little flat.
Someone must have— A man
must have— While she was asleep! While she was drugged up!
Good God, what had she
gotten herself into? She had to get out of there now! The thong was discarded
on the dirty carpet. She pulled it back on, pushing her skirt down as far as it
would go and ran to the door. She couldn’t stay in there one more minute!
She felt dirty and violated.
Surely someone hadn’t really done that while she’d been sleeping! But she
couldn’t wait around to find out!
She paused at the door,
realizing what she looked like, unsure what to do about her wet clothes, but
she was in a panic, not thinking straight. She just had to get out of that
terrible place! And the part of her that was still reasoning justified her
appearance, telling her it was safer in this district to look like a native. In
her normal clothes she was bound to be mugged or something worse. This way she
could blend in – walk out of the area then somehow call for help.
She couldn’t believe she’d
actually taken heroin from that dirty needle!
But it had felt so good. It
had felt wonderful and another part of her just wanted to stay and do it again.
Though there wasn’t any more.
No. She had to get out of
there. She opened the door. Then she spotted a cheap scuffed handbag she hadn’t
seen when she came in and snatched it up. It must have been left by the owner.
Maybe there was a phone in it!
She took it out with her, reluctant
to spend another second in that seedy place, and made her way down to the
ground floor. The rain had stopped at least now. She would be safe to find her
way out on foot. She frowned at the stilettos she was wearing; then shook her
head in irritation and kept walking. They’d have to do. She wasn’t going back
up to that flat ever! She didn’t know what had come over her in there!
She rooted through the musty
handbag looking for a phone but there wasn’t one. Typical! She went to throw
the bag down but hesitated when she saw a purse inside. She cracked it open.
There was a few pounds in cash. Not much but worth hanging on to for if she
found a pay phone. In two minds what to do she slung the bag over her shoulder
and walked along the flagstones toward the road.
Anna suddenly felt very odd
and exposed. It had seemed such a natural decision to put on and come out in
these clothes when she was up in the flat but she looked at herself now and
realized just how different she looked to her normal image. He looked like a
complete slag from her high heels, bare legs and short skirt to her bare arms
and showy cleavage, her hair bunched up on top of her head.
And her cleavage! She felt
her boobs with both hands. She was absolutely sure they were bigger than they
had been – absolutely sure! Which was impossible!
This was the strangest night
of her life but she couldn’t deal with that now. She had to get out of this
awful suburb as fast as she could.
She walked several more
paces, increasingly aware of the stilettos and how inappropriate they were for
walking the miles it would take to get out of Barton. Though they did make her
legs look wonderful. She admired them for a moment, turning them in the light,
watching the gleam of reflected streetlight.
At the street side the woman
Anna had seen earlier was standing there again. She looked round and sneered as
Anna approached. It wasn’t clear whether it was because of her trashy disguise
or because she saw right through it to the rich woman underneath.
Anna had decided that the
best course of action would be to flag down a car and ask for a lift. She gave
the other woman a little smile and walked further along the pavement so she had
a bit of space to herself.
As she waited for a car to
pass she eyed the other woman, realizing belatedly that she was probably a
prostitute. Which made her realize that standing there, dressed in those
clothes, passersby would likely think she was too!
That was funny but kind of
horrible… but it was also kind of… dirty, in the same way as she’d felt inside.
It was exciting to imagine actually being one for a minute, standing out there
every night, desperately trying to drum up cash for her next heroin fix.
Thinking about the heroin
gave Anna a sudden aching yearning in the pit of her stomach that startled her.
She didn’t know how many hours it had been since she’d taken it – how much later
it was now – how long she’d been asleep – but she realized how much she wanted
some more.
That horrified her. She’d
only tried it once – realized now how stupid that had been – but she felt like
she needed it as much as if she had a full addiction; as if she’d been doing it
for weeks or months.
She shook her head to clear
the feeling but it remained, throbbing dully in the back of her mind. She
shouldn’t have touched the stuff! She didn’t know why she had done!
A breeze ran up her legs and
under her skirt, making her acutely aware again of her apparel. She pressed her
face into her hands. What was happening to her? How had she come to this:
standing on a street corner in these clothes? Desperate for another fix of
heroin? Her crotch sore as though she’d been pummeled roughly down there by
some client’s cock.
No… Wait… She felt so
confused; so fuzzy; like her head was full of cotton wool.
Why did she think client?
She wouldn’t…
She rubbed her forehead with
her fingers. Why was it so hard to think suddenly?
A car pulled in to the curb in
front of her and she shook her head again to clear it. The man inside wound
down the window. He looked ugly and very very nervous. Feeling awkward herself
dressed like that, Anna decided to take advantage of the situation and seize
the initiative.
“I’m looking for a ride,”
she said.
“How much do you charge?”
stammered the man.
“What? No! What are you—
God, no! Not that kind of— Urgh! Get out of here!”
The little man looked
disappointed but drove on, pulling up beside the other woman who smirked back
at Anna as though she’d got one up on her. Anna felt disgruntled and deeply
offended, but she also felt bad that this prostitute felt superior – that she’d
outdone her somehow. That made Anna feel… jealous somehow, which was a stupid
thing to feel. She just had to get out of there.
This was a terrible place to
get picked up. She was never going to get a man to fuck her here. And no fuck
meant no fix later from Badger and she’d have to blow him again or worse.
She struck as sexy a pose as
she could as another car came down the road but it didn’t stop. Anna sighed and
started rooting through her bag looking for a fag.
“Woah, hold on a minute!” She
lowered the bag.
What was that? Those
thoughts? For a minute she’d felt like she was… She was looking for a cigarette
and she didn’t smoke! And who was Badger? She didn’t know anyone called that
but when she’d thought of him she’d felt… trepidation and… fear. And need.
Desperate need.
It was like she was…
Anna covered her mouth with
her hand.
It was like she was really
what she’d laughed and joked about with the girls the other night when they’d
been playing with the statuette.
A junkie whore.
V
Anna scrabbled through the
handbag she’d taken from the derelict flat until she found a dog-eared feminine
wallet and ripped it out, spilling half the contents.
She flipped it open and
gaped at the picture on the ID.
Somehow, impossibly, it was
her picture; but different. Wrong.
The face on the picture was
heavily made up; tartily made up; and gaunt, with sunken eyes and a dull,
listless expression. And the name was wrong.
It was her face but the name
wasn’t Anne Spencer. It was Annie Young.
Annie Young. Young wasn’t
her maiden name even. She’d never met anyone with the surname Young, let alone
married him! What the fuck was going on here!?
She irritably pulled out a
slim pack of fags and slipped one out of the pack in between her lips. She lit
it with shaking hands, cupping the flame to keep it from blowing out then
dropped the lighter back into the little pocket of the bag where she always
stashed—
No.
“No. Wait a minute.” Anna
staggered toward the toilet block. “This isn’t me. I’m not a whore. I’m not a
junkie. My name isn’t Annie Young. Not no more. Joe Young fucking sacked me
didn’t he, and all I did was shag his brother a few times. And it wasn’t as if
I was charging!”
Wait. No. That wasn’t right.
Anna gripped the sides of
her face. Something was happening to her brain. Something was happening to
reality! None of this could be right. It couldn’t be real!
The drugs. It must all be a
side effect of the heroin! That was all. She was hallucinating! Nothing more.
She leant against the brick
wall of the toilet block, pulse pounding, trying to organize her thoughts. She
wasn’t a prostitute, She didn’t live in Barton. She hadn’t sold all her shit to
get more junk. She didn’t stand out there every night putting out for cash.
Did she?
She wasn’t sure. Nothing
made sense to her. She looked down at her high heels and her bare legs sticking
out of the short skirt. She gripped her now larger boobs. Everything about her
said whore but that wasn’t who she was. That wasn’t who…
She was so glad she’d had
her boobs enlarged though. She got much more cock nowadays. And more cock meant
more cash. More cash meant more junk. That meant she was happy.
“Annie!”
She turned and saw a big man
striding round the toilet block with two white streaks in his hair, his
expression consumed with rage.
“Badger?”
“What the fuck do you think
you’re doing over here? How d’ya expect to get any fucking blokes to stop if
they can’t even see you?”
“I’m sorry Badger. I wasn’t
thinking.”
“No you fucking weren’t!” He
slapped her hard round the back of the head, knocking her stumbling forwards
and hurling the fag from her mouth. “You twat! I should have fucking left you
at that college where I fucking found you! Maybe you’d have found yourself a
rich fucking man to look after you! But I thought I’d take you away from all
that, didn’t I? Show you some fucking fun in your life!”
He grabbed her by the scruff
of her tank top, yanking her close. “And I did that, didn’t I, eh?”
“What?” Anne couldn’t focus
her thoughts. She was so confused by everything that was happening and her
veins were throbbing. She needed the junk so bad now.
“I gave you a good fucking
life didn’t I?”
Anna thought of the squalid
flat where she lived, the mattress on the floor, the graffiti and the mold. She
thought of spreading her legs for money just so she could get her fix every
night. “Yes Badger. Course.”
“Well where’s my fucking
money then, eh? You got it you useless cow?”
Money? She had money. She
was rich, wasn’t she? But no. That wasn’t right, It couldn’t be right. She’d
always imagined meeting some rich businessman who would have kept her in luxury
but she’d dropped out of college and moved to Barton. Closest she’d ever come
to a rich businessman had been the end of his cock.
“I said have you got my
money you daft bint!?”
“No Badger. Sorry. I’m so
sorry.”
He slapped her again, harder
this time, sending her tumbling to the ground. She yelped in agony and
floundered round on her hands and knees.
“You’re pathetic! You’re
nothing! And you’re losing your looks! You’re nothing to me, do you know
that!?”
“Yes,” said Annie, crawling
toward Badger. “I’m so sorry. I just need another fix. Please.”
“You’re nothing and you’re
pathetic and I don’t know why I waste my time with you!”
He was right. He was so
right. She was just a worthless junkie whore.
She got closer and closer to
him on her hands and knees. “Please,” she whimpered. “Just one fix to keep me
going until I can get some money. Please.”
She reached his feet and
worked up his legs, gently undoing his trouser button and zip. The pavement was
cold and hard against her bare knees but it didn’t matter. Only getting the fix
mattered. That was all.
“Get away from me you
skank!” snapped Badger, kicking her in the shoulder and sending her sprawling
onto the muddy grass. “I don’t know where you’re mouth’s been! It’s gotta be
fucking loaded with disease by now, the number of men you’ve had.”
Tears were pouring down
Annie’s cheeks as she tried to pick herself up, the yearning in her scratching
at her soul, she was so desperate.
Badger was walking away and
she was begging him to come back, begging him to let her blow him off in return
for some junk – even a tiny bit! Anything!
But he was gone and she was
alone again. And it was starting to rain.
Annie stood there at the side
of the road, gaunt and staring, weeping at her predicament; wishing with all
her heart that her life could have been different.
But it wasn’t. She was
nothing but a junkie whore. She was never getting out of this life. She was
never getting out of Barton. The sign had been right. There was no escape.
Then her face lit up with
hope as headlights illuminated her cheeks. And she quickly swiped at her eyes
to get rid of the tears.
She walked to the edge of
the road as the car pulled up, trying to make herself look as sexy as possible
but knowing that the years and her addiction had worn away at her prettiness.
It was a Lamborghini! So
beautiful! The driver had to be rich! Annie had never seen one except on TV. It
was gorgeous!
She imagined how great it
would be to be married to someone who owned one of these – to drive round in it
all the time. But that was totally out of her reach. She knew that.
The window whirred down
electronically. The man inside was handsome as well as wealthy. He had a
perfect smile and for a moment Annie was sure she knew him, but when he focused
on her properly the smile dropped from his face and that recognition
disappeared. She could never know someone like this.
“Er… hi,” said the man. “I
was wondering if you could give me directions out of Barton. I’ve been driving
round for hours trying to find the way out.”
Annie shrugged, sure she was
missing some crucial fact here; sure that everything about this situation was
somehow completely flawed. “Don’t you know?” she said, smiling. “Once you come
to Barton, there ain’t no way out.”
He chuckled falsely, unsure
if she was joking. Annie leant onto the open window, pushing her prestigious
cleavage into his face.
“But that don’t mean to say
you can’t enjoy yourself while you’re here.”
